Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I can count

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

What do you think of the controls that will be set up over information flows at Taiwan's Ministry of Foreign Affairs' missions?

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I understand how hurricane paths work

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

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I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

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I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

What are the strangest parts of The Bible?

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

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I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

How do you recognize when your mental health might need attention?

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

Why is porn so addictive?

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I can read

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

What is the best sunscreen lotion for oily skin for men?

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

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I don’t cotton to rapists

I have complete contempt for fakery

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

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I took the same Oath and took it seriously

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I see through liars

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I don’t buy bullshit

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I actually pay taxes

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I have a reading level above third grade

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms